"Fitting in" in a new city

[Mary L.]

My DH and I are considering a move to "follow" our daughter and her family to a new location when she finishes her PhD. He has Parkinsons and will be needing more help as time goes by. We have no other family nearby, except my widowed brother (who has his kids, grands and circle of friends). Relocating means finding everything new.... doctors, dentists, banks, church, etc. I dread leaving where we are. I'm involved in two quilt guilds and a wonderful Bible study group. How does someone in their "golden" years find new groups to mesh into, and new friends to do things with? We've talked about this in my group of friends, and concur that we can't expect our "kids" and grandkids to be our only support. Yet we don't want to see our grands only once or twice a year. This has caused me many, many restless nights. Any advice? TYIA.

[Denise L.]

My husband and I were talking about this today. After the harsh winter he is ready to think about warmer climate in the future. I have said NO since my granddaughter is here and my bee friends along with my guild. I do love New England and have no desire to move. Maybe visit often during the winter months but that is about it. My suggestion to you is to go to a local quilt shop when you move and find out if guild are available. My friend wrote to the newspaper but before t hey could answer, I paid for a vet bill with a check that had quilts on it. She works at the vet. She came running out to ask me about quilting and guilds. I invited her on a day trip to the VT quilt festival and the rest is history. Quilters are a friendly bunch for the most part. I hope you find a guild and maybe join a bee in your next location. I'm not sure about bible study as I a not involved with any church but I'll bet it follows the same premise. One thing for sure, if you join a guild, volunteer to help in any capacity. You get to meet more people and they can always use the help.

denise

[Denise L.]

If you move--I think the thing to do is find a church--I know that in itself is not always easy; but, you may find one that has a Bible study already and you may find that it has other advantages (like a quilt guild that meets there). Then I would go to the local quilt shop and ask about guilds or, while visiting my daughter in MO, I did this--they had a meet and eat happening the night I was there and invited me to bring whatever I was working on and join them. Your doctor and dentist might be able to refer you to just the right person to take their place once they know where you are moving. Pray you will have peace to know just what to do.

[Dawn S.]

My husband and I moved to a small town in northwest Montana, about 6 years ago. There is no family here, but we just loved the area, so moved here, after many years of traveling in our motorhome. I found small towns to be very "clickish" and it takes a while to really get to know people. Most of the women in our guild have gone to kindergarten together, and the "Tuesday group" of appliqué ladies is impenetrable. And, most of them even belong to the same church. It probably took me 4 or 5 years to fit in. What really helped me was not to just join the local guild, but to jump in and work a major job on our quilt show. I learned their names, talked on the phone with many of them, and then they began to know ME. I also went to the retreats. Eating meals with them, sharing a room, getting silly, just being girls. I still don't have a BFF in the group, but feel welcome whenever I walk into the meeting now. Most say "Hello" to me or ask what my current project is.

I think the trick is to join whatever you can! A guild, church or a bible study like BSF, maybe a gym, a garden club, etc. You can always drop out later if you don't find fulfillment, or friends. And, making friends with the gals in the LQS helps, too. And, taking classes there. You'll also meet other grandparents at the grandkids functions and sports. Who knows what friendships will happen there?!

We've been lucky to find great doctors and dentists. But, you can always join Angie's List for that, too! Good luck!

Dawn,
In beautiful Northwest Montana